3 posts tagged “reflection”
“I want our blog to be more of a reflection of who we really are.” he says this to me this morning. Of course when he says this, he means he wants us to focus on the positives more and really make our life a reflection of what the blog is.
But we are flesh and blood. We are a living breathing couple. There is much that happens behind closed doors. I no longer wish to hide behind who we really are. We are flesh and blood just like you. We have problems, we have tears, we share laughter, we share love, we have pain.
The world of blogging is a world of secrets. I am surrounded by blogs written by people unhappy in their own marriages. Some blogs are a cry for something more… their hidden, forsaken desires get written down as a way to deal with the pain of not being able to express themselves. Though I have never worn a jewel on my left hand, my first blog, under different name, was exactly that. My hidden desires, my screams of attention to my boyfriend were all written there for him to see. What I lacked in my real life, got written down as a form of therapy for myself. It later consumed me… and I was able to end things, delete who I was and become the living breathing creature that I am today.
Completely.
I have been fucked in the ass before… it happened 13 years ago, with the same person whom I gave my virginity to. I was young and naive then. I gave my ass to him because it was what he wanted. It did nothing to me. It was uncomfortable and I endured it for him. And as far as I can remember… he never did cum in my ass.
Later in life, maybe about 4 years ago, I encountered a lover who wanted to fuck me, but refused to because I was on my period. So he had the great idea to fuck me in the ass instead. I was of no state of mind and so his attempts failed. He and I have never actually fucked, in any sense of the word.
When Amorphous and I met, of course many topics of sex were discussed. One being anal. I told him I did not find pleasure in it and would prefer not to do it. He told me, it did not interest him. It was, afterall, fucking me in the ASS. The thought of putting his cock in my ass was not a turn on to him.
However, things change, as things will often do. As I found myself embracing my submission, I realized I wanted to give myself to Amorphous completely and that included my ass. I confessed this to him. That if he wanted it, it was his to have. I wanted him to. At that time, he told me it was still not something he was interested in…. but that soon changed as well.
He soon told me, he desired to take me. He desired to fuck me in the ass. To take all of me as my Dominant, as I will give all, as his submissive.
And so we began my anal training. I got a larger butt plug. Sometimes during my submissive sessions, Amorphous would lube me up and push my plug into me. I would pant and whimper. I’d hold it in as best as I could. My fingers gripping the sheets. Amorphous’s voice in my ear, soothing me, telling me I’m a good girl. Encouraging me to hold it. But I always let it go before he allowed it. I could hear the disappointment in his voice. “I can’t fuck your ass till you hold this plug.”
Last night, after spending our lunch hour engaging in “Twitter sex”, building up our foreplay, Amorphous and I went into the bedroom.He surprised me, by first giving me a good beating. My skin burned as it welted. Kneeling before him, I took his cock in my mouth and sucked him. I love feeling the heat of my welts as I suck his cock.
He tells me to “Get on the bed. On all fours. Facing away.”I get on the bed as I’m told. He’s not satisfied. “You’ve seen ‘Secretary‘, get in position.”
I do as I’m told. I hear him reaching for the lube. I feel him squirt some on his fingers and he begins lubing up my ass. Only, something is different. He is using much more than usual. I hear him squeeze more lube out, but this time I hear him stroking his cock. Immediately I’m thinking… “this is it!”
“I am going to fuck you in the ass.”
I feel him press the head of his cock against my asshole. He pushes in slowly. My body rejects this new sensation. I tighten up as he pushes forward. My eyes get shut tight, my fingers fist the sheets, I am whimpering and squirming. “No I can’t do this.. I can’t.” I am disappointed that I can’t give Amorphous what he wants.. it’s too much… I’m too uncomfortable, I’m going to have to ask him to pull …
wait
what is this?
Suddenly, as he pushes in a little more and holds place, the discomfort evaporates. He holds himself still. Allowing my body to adjust. I feel his cock inside my ass and my body begins to relax. I push back into him just a little, and that feels even better…
And this is where the hottest part of the evening occurs… feeling his cock in my ass, I slowly push myself into him. His cock moving deeper into my ass. Until finally I grunt in pleasure at the feel of his skin against my backside, knowing I have taken him in completely.
He begins rocking back and forth, not moving much within me, allowing my body to adjust. I am enjoying it. Inside my mind is saying, “I am taking it. I’m doing it!” Yes, I’m rather proud of myself.
Amorphous begins to get a bit braver with me and starts thrusting more. He moves his cock farther along. Picks up the pace just a little.
As for me, I am loving it. Loving what he is doing to my mind. Loving what he is doing to my body. My mouth breaks free and speaks once more… the filth comes pouring out, “Your fucking me in the ass baby. You like fucking me in the ass? I want you to cum in my ass!”
He keeps his pace. I want him to cum so badly. I am panting and moaning. It feels good to feel his cock stimulating that part of my body.
He slows down… and begins pulling out more… finally my body can’t handle it anymore… and I have to push him out.
-
We collapse on the bed together, happy with our “first time”. Next time, will be even better. Amorphous won’t have to worry about how I’m doing so much. I just take great satisfaction in knowing I can take him in the ass and I can find it pleasurable.
There were many things I didn’t understand but have come to understand today. Self discovery is an amazing thing. Ask me 2 years ago if I saw myself being a sub and gladly being belted, I would have thought you to be crazy. Though I admit those feelings have always been within me and it’s interesting to see how time releases desires at the most appropriate times.
Today, I live and thrive being a sub. I enjoy being told what to do. I enjoy being used for his pleasure. I derive my own pleasure from his. I would have never thought that getting belted or cropped would cause me so much arousal, but it does, and I do not need to know why. It just is.
Last weekend an event happened, but my posting of it got a bit sidetracked with last week’s subject matter of D/s and abuse. (scroll down if you missed it).
Amorphous and I were sitting on the couch, I had decided it was shower time, but before I left, I just needed to show Amorphous my affection for him and so I jumped on his lap. I straddled him, facing him. I leaned in and kissed him and then.. things slowly began to turn.
Our shirts came off and I suddenly felt this sedation. My whole mind and body felt sedated, sedated by lust. I watched him through my lust clouded eyes. My fingers trailed his skin.
I allowed my thumbnail to dig in and I trailed it from belly button to shoulder blade in a nice expanding arch. What happened next is an image that I will never forget.
After trailing my thumb nail I watched his white chest as a pink line slowly emerged and grew. Right before my eyes, seconds later, his flesh began to change color. I was suddenly delighted by this. I did it again… and seconds later, I watched as his flesh changed color.
This consumed me. Watching his white chest turn pink fascinated me. I giggled like a little girl. My hair fallen over my eyes, barely covered what was far from innocence. It was lust. I was lusting to see his skin painted by my colors and for one instant, I suddenly understood why Dom’s decide to pick up a knife and gently carve the flesh of their subs. I suddenly knew what it felt like to look at perfect, porcelain skin and watch it change color. I dreamed of what it would be like to to trail a knife blade over his flesh and watch the small beads of blood as they formed.
I giggled more from this thought and let my painted flesh lust consume me. My fingers dug and raked across his skin, he hissed at me. The night was changing directions once more. I wanted him to hurt. I dug my nails in deeply. My teeth clamped down on his skin. I bit his nipple, I bit his shoulder, he hissed and squirmed and pushed me away. (hehehe he would not do well as my sub, I can see I can take the pain far better than he).
The both of us were consumed by inflicting pain in the other. He slapped me, urging me to do the same to him. And no I couldn’t. The sub in me just couldn’t raise a hand to him. He slapped me continually, taunting me, saying things like, “you’re just gonna take it?!?” At one point he went to slap me and my hand went up to block him. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, I braced myself for what would come, but thankfully, this did not anger him.
We continued like this, in our lustful sedation. Both of us wanting to inflict pain on the other, it spurred us into the bedroom, where we took each others bodies and drove out the orgasmic demons from within.
