8 posts tagged “reality”
“I want our blog to be more of a reflection of who we really are.” he says this to me this morning. Of course when he says this, he means he wants us to focus on the positives more and really make our life a reflection of what the blog is.
But we are flesh and blood. We are a living breathing couple. There is much that happens behind closed doors. I no longer wish to hide behind who we really are. We are flesh and blood just like you. We have problems, we have tears, we share laughter, we share love, we have pain.
The world of blogging is a world of secrets. I am surrounded by blogs written by people unhappy in their own marriages. Some blogs are a cry for something more… their hidden, forsaken desires get written down as a way to deal with the pain of not being able to express themselves. Though I have never worn a jewel on my left hand, my first blog, under different name, was exactly that. My hidden desires, my screams of attention to my boyfriend were all written there for him to see. What I lacked in my real life, got written down as a form of therapy for myself. It later consumed me… and I was able to end things, delete who I was and become the living breathing creature that I am today.
Slumber takes me, but never lasts. I drift in and out of sleep often. The alarm beckons me awake 6 mornings a week. But not this morning, no not this morning. The sun has risen and so has my lover, but I … I wish slumber to take me a bit longer. Like a hood calms the hawk, a shirt drapes my eyes and calms me back to slumber, shielding the unfriendly sun away.
Time passes, I sleep. I drift into consciousness briefly, aware that my lover, Sylvanus, is in the room. I drift back into slumber, thinking he will join me again soon.
I startle awake, his hand on my right hand, he pulls it and suddenly my fingers wrap around something, soft, yet hard. Something warm. It’s velvety smooth in my fingertips. I wrap my fingers around the warmth, stroking slowly, awakening my senses. More aware of his cock in my hand, I begin to run my thumb along the head. I curse my left arm, it is asleep.
He removes my hood of slumber. I blink and see his thick cock in my hand. “I think you have slept enough.” he whispers to me. “I was writing about the other day and it got me rather hot and bothered. Instead of just masturbating there, I thought I’d come in here.”
I grin as I remove my hand, allowing his, to touch himself. Only he knows how to touch himself to perfect pleasure. I wrapped my hands around him. I squeeze and caress his ass, his inner thighs, his balls… I pull his cheeks apart and run my finger along his ass. His moans increase. I get more excited. His strokes become faster.
My hands beckon his body. They caress the most sensitive areas, they explore his hidden pleasures. I ask for his orgasm, not with words.
Finally, his breathing pauses for one second, he moans deeply and his hand holds his cock, I pull him into me, feeling the heat of his cock, as the first jet of his cum covers my left breast. I moan in pleasure, feeling the warmth of him. I hug him closely. I delight in the feel of his seed spilling over my breasts. I delight in waking up to the warmth that is him.
****Thank you Jefferson and Fleshbot for fleshbotting this post****
It was nearly seven in the evening when Sylvanus approached me and pushed me against the door. He hissed in my ear that he will not allow 2008 to continue any longer without me having an orgasm. Though we celebrated the New Year in style (read post below), I was yet to have my official PST 2008 orgasm. Exhausted from the orgasm barely able to escape his body, my own was spent for the night … and so my 2008 orgasm waited till the afternoon.
He lead me into the bedroom, wanting to tear my clothes off, but sparing me the grief of loosing my last pair of jeans.
Once nude, he told me to get on the bed. On all fours, I awaited the heat of his tongue as he licked me from behind. It’s a sensation I intensely enjoy.
“Lay on your back, your head on my pillow.”
I do as I’m told. Suddenly, I am aware of a feeling I have never known before. I am a cock girl, always have been, and no that is not the feeling I am talking about. What I mean is, I always prefer my orgasms to be given to me by cock. Given the choice of cumming by cock our tongue, I’ll tell you cock. But last night was different. Last night, I wanted my first orgasm of the year to be done by his tongue.
“Do you believe in fate?” he asks me.
“Do I believe in fate?” I answer.
“This will go a lot faster if you don’t repeat my questions and just answer.”
“Yes I do.” I reply.
“I’m holding up a number behind my back. Odd or even? You pick the right one, you get cock.”
“Even.” I answer.
He makes a tsk tsk sound and shows me the number “2″. “It’s a shame, I really wanted to lick you.”
I’m thinking But I really want you to lick me too. “I don’t see why you still can’t. Do it anyways.”
He moves between my legs and I feel his tongue begin to work my clit. It feels good. “For the first time ever, I really wanted you to lick me. I want you to give me my orgasm this way.” I tell him between my moans.
“Well, I was holding up the number ‘1′ anyways” he chuckles.
He resumes his tender assault on my cunt. For years I was never pleasured orally. At least, not as often as I would have liked. I’ve had the boyfriend’s who just “don’t like doing it”. I’ve had the boyfriend who said “You take too long to cum.” And so I never thought that oral would be in my future. Sure I have cum before orally, sometimes it took a long time, sometimes the orgasms weren’t much to brag about. But Sylvanus changed all that.
For the 6+ months now that we have been together as a couple, Sylvanus has found my secret. He has found the method to making me cum by his oral doings. He plays me like a musical instrument. Knowing the exact keys to push, the exact pressure to apply in order to get the exact sound he desires from me.
So last night, with his fingers within my pussy and his tongue on my clit, I came for him. I came loudly and beautifully and welcomed the New Year. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I wanted his beautiful and personal work to bring me to my orgasm. And he did so wonderfully.
I sit here, wanting to write. Not sure what to say. How can I say it?
I squeeze my thighs together and feel the bruising. A slight tinge of discomfort. I run my hand along my left inner thigh, very sensitive, the tinge grows deeper. In front of the mirror my thighs display the secrets I do not share. Three marks. Three bruises. Three lines, made by a crop. The outer edge, a red and the inside a blue. At the end of each bruise are two more marks. Two dots of red pinching skin. This is where the clothes pins laid. Only briefly, only temporarily. One by one they were removed from my body. Removed by the sharp sting of the crop.
Changes have happened. For those of you who have not read what Sylvanus has written previously, (and may I just say you should, he is so talented when he writes) he has embraced his dominance. He no longer wishes to deny what he is. He loves to dominate me, my mind and my body, and so together we journey into this new world together.
Perhaps it is easier to explain why one would want to dominate. Seems easy enough doesn’t it? To dominate means power and control. To have someone do the things you desire from them. No questions asked, your wish is their command. Of course it’s not that simple, it’s all very complex, but mine is not to think of dominance, mine is to think of submission.
So how do I explain my submission? When so many people would read the things he does to me and cringe? They ask why on Earth would I allow him to do such a thing to me? Do I not love myself enough?
It has nothing to do with that and yet as I sit here trying to describe what it is I feel when he dominates me… I can’t. I am what I am, a submissive. It’s not what he does to my body, but what he does to my mind. When I run my fingers over my marks and I can feel the pain, my mind goes back to him, to Sylvanus, my lover, my Dom. I took this from him, because it pleases him to see me take this pain from him. He gets aroused as he sees me squirm from the touch of the crop. Watches my body shiver and get above the pain and then I settle down and ready myself for another hit. But it pleases me as well. Sometimes I ask him to hurt me, because I like the feel of it. Perhaps I am a masochist.
I can not explain what it is I feel when he Dominates me. It’s not always about the pain. Like I said, it’s what he does to my mind. I yearn to submit to him, to just do as I’m told. To sit at his feet. To service his cock. To just be.
Sylvanus came up with a wonderful way to display my submission to others. He wants to create a three course meal, that will be displayed on my nude body and guests will be invited to come over. But that is not my idea to share, as it goes much deeper than this, it is Sylvanus’s masterpiece and I wish him to share it when the words come to him.
I am what I am. I may not always understand why I am submissive. Does it need explanation? I think not. Sometimes, it’s just better accept. Sometimes you just need to “be”.
Yesterday was a day of many good things. There has been a lot going on in the “lover’s manor”. Lot’s of talks. Some funks… but in the end we re emerge.
Last night was a night to celebrate and when something is special enough, we make the long trip out to our favorite restaurant. It is well worth the drive. It is also the first place Sylvanus and I met.
As we walk up to the restaurant, already we feel as the way we did that first time we were here. We sit down at our table and admire that spectacular water side view. Now there are Christmas lights reflected in the water and in the sky. I don’t know where one ends and the other begins.
The meal: fabulous! I always order the same. Why change a good thing?
As we leave the restaurant, immediately I am flooded with emotions of that fist night we met and what happened as we left the restaurant that night. He looks over to “the spot”. We walk over and kiss as we did that night. The passion ignites. The flame grows and he says to me, “We have to get out of here. I want you to come back with me”
With my lust-glazed eyes I whisper, “ok”.
We rush to the car and begin our drive home. As he drives his hand goes to my breasts, under my shirt and bra. He pinches my nipples and exposes my breasts as we speed down the highway. My mind goes back to the drive that first night we met. “tell me what you thought the first time you touched my pussy.” I whispered softly to him.
His words floated me to space. His touches accentuated every word that escaped his lips. He touched my pussy as he spoke to me.
He pulls away and grabs my hand and places it on his cock. I squeeze him through the fabric. He helps me get his zipper down and I pull him out of his pants. Right there on the highway. I stroke him. Caress him. He tells me that is hot. I unbuckle my seat belt, lean over and take his cock into my mouth. I suck him off right there, on the highway, as he is driving us home. I don’t stay very long, but long enough to give him a taste of things to come.
When we pull into out parking structure and into our spot, I suck him so more. Really taking him in. He tell me he’s not zipping up as he opens the car door and we make our way to the elevator. Once inside I stroke and suck him some more. He zips up for the walk to our apartment.
Once inside, he pushes me against the hall closet. Kissing me, groping me. I get down on my knees and take his pants off. I suck him proper. Somehow, our clothes come off and he is pushed down to the floor as I suck his cock.
We get up long enough to kiss our way into the bedroom where he eventually places me on top.
I take his cock in to my cunt. We both gasp at the tightness. I am so wet it is easy for me to take him in. We make love slowly at first, but then I get up and grind into him hard and fast. He speaks filth to me as I fuck him. I can hear his orgasm grow and it turns me on. I speak filth back, beckoning his orgasm. Finally, he thrusts into me and I can feel his cock pulsing his cum inside me. His voice echoes off of the walls. That is the most beautiful sound to me.
It turns me on and I continue to fuck him. The feel and thought of his cum exploding within me brings my orgasm along quickly. I scream as I feel the pulses of my own orgasm clench around his cock. He gasps at the power of my orgasm.
I collapse on top of him. Both of us panting. It had been awhile for us. It was a good night for going back to where it all began.
So, some of you who follow me on Twitter, were subjected to my many twitters of Amorphous’s birthday surprise yesterday. So what did go down?
1) He woke up to a very romantic and “perfect” (his words) birthday card in front of the bathroom mirror.
2) While at work I had a special birthday flower, balloon, chocolate and teddy bear arrangement sent to him.
3) When I arrived to work in the morning, I wrote a special Happy Birthday post with Happy Birthday picture. (scroll down)
4) I left work early to set up for his birthday in our apartment.
5) The set up: 2 Happy Birthday banners. Streamers hung over the doors. Dining room table set up with birthday confetti and ballooons, gifts and chocolate chip cookie cake. Screened off the area.
6) When he got home, he was directed by paper to go directly to the bedroom but had to strip into his bday suit first.
7) Inside of bedroom I was naked wearing a ribbon around my neck. Once he unwrapped his “gift”, I gave him a great cock sucking that ended with fabulous fucking in the position of his choice. (our fave, me on top).
8) We went into the dining area to open his gifts.
9) Took him out to dinner to a french bistro.
10) Came home for some good ole dominating fucking. He took me in the ass and then took me from behind while I used a vibe on my clit.
I’d like to think it was an awesome birthday for Amorphous. I think he was pleased. I have no idea if he plans on writing about it, but I thought I’d let everyone know what went down.
Completely.
I have been fucked in the ass before… it happened 13 years ago, with the same person whom I gave my virginity to. I was young and naive then. I gave my ass to him because it was what he wanted. It did nothing to me. It was uncomfortable and I endured it for him. And as far as I can remember… he never did cum in my ass.
Later in life, maybe about 4 years ago, I encountered a lover who wanted to fuck me, but refused to because I was on my period. So he had the great idea to fuck me in the ass instead. I was of no state of mind and so his attempts failed. He and I have never actually fucked, in any sense of the word.
When Amorphous and I met, of course many topics of sex were discussed. One being anal. I told him I did not find pleasure in it and would prefer not to do it. He told me, it did not interest him. It was, afterall, fucking me in the ASS. The thought of putting his cock in my ass was not a turn on to him.
However, things change, as things will often do. As I found myself embracing my submission, I realized I wanted to give myself to Amorphous completely and that included my ass. I confessed this to him. That if he wanted it, it was his to have. I wanted him to. At that time, he told me it was still not something he was interested in…. but that soon changed as well.
He soon told me, he desired to take me. He desired to fuck me in the ass. To take all of me as my Dominant, as I will give all, as his submissive.
And so we began my anal training. I got a larger butt plug. Sometimes during my submissive sessions, Amorphous would lube me up and push my plug into me. I would pant and whimper. I’d hold it in as best as I could. My fingers gripping the sheets. Amorphous’s voice in my ear, soothing me, telling me I’m a good girl. Encouraging me to hold it. But I always let it go before he allowed it. I could hear the disappointment in his voice. “I can’t fuck your ass till you hold this plug.”
Last night, after spending our lunch hour engaging in “Twitter sex”, building up our foreplay, Amorphous and I went into the bedroom.He surprised me, by first giving me a good beating. My skin burned as it welted. Kneeling before him, I took his cock in my mouth and sucked him. I love feeling the heat of my welts as I suck his cock.
He tells me to “Get on the bed. On all fours. Facing away.”I get on the bed as I’m told. He’s not satisfied. “You’ve seen ‘Secretary‘, get in position.”
I do as I’m told. I hear him reaching for the lube. I feel him squirt some on his fingers and he begins lubing up my ass. Only, something is different. He is using much more than usual. I hear him squeeze more lube out, but this time I hear him stroking his cock. Immediately I’m thinking… “this is it!”
“I am going to fuck you in the ass.”
I feel him press the head of his cock against my asshole. He pushes in slowly. My body rejects this new sensation. I tighten up as he pushes forward. My eyes get shut tight, my fingers fist the sheets, I am whimpering and squirming. “No I can’t do this.. I can’t.” I am disappointed that I can’t give Amorphous what he wants.. it’s too much… I’m too uncomfortable, I’m going to have to ask him to pull …
wait
what is this?
Suddenly, as he pushes in a little more and holds place, the discomfort evaporates. He holds himself still. Allowing my body to adjust. I feel his cock inside my ass and my body begins to relax. I push back into him just a little, and that feels even better…
And this is where the hottest part of the evening occurs… feeling his cock in my ass, I slowly push myself into him. His cock moving deeper into my ass. Until finally I grunt in pleasure at the feel of his skin against my backside, knowing I have taken him in completely.
He begins rocking back and forth, not moving much within me, allowing my body to adjust. I am enjoying it. Inside my mind is saying, “I am taking it. I’m doing it!” Yes, I’m rather proud of myself.
Amorphous begins to get a bit braver with me and starts thrusting more. He moves his cock farther along. Picks up the pace just a little.
As for me, I am loving it. Loving what he is doing to my mind. Loving what he is doing to my body. My mouth breaks free and speaks once more… the filth comes pouring out, “Your fucking me in the ass baby. You like fucking me in the ass? I want you to cum in my ass!”
He keeps his pace. I want him to cum so badly. I am panting and moaning. It feels good to feel his cock stimulating that part of my body.
He slows down… and begins pulling out more… finally my body can’t handle it anymore… and I have to push him out.
-
We collapse on the bed together, happy with our “first time”. Next time, will be even better. Amorphous won’t have to worry about how I’m doing so much. I just take great satisfaction in knowing I can take him in the ass and I can find it pleasurable.
There were many things I didn’t understand but have come to understand today. Self discovery is an amazing thing. Ask me 2 years ago if I saw myself being a sub and gladly being belted, I would have thought you to be crazy. Though I admit those feelings have always been within me and it’s interesting to see how time releases desires at the most appropriate times.
Today, I live and thrive being a sub. I enjoy being told what to do. I enjoy being used for his pleasure. I derive my own pleasure from his. I would have never thought that getting belted or cropped would cause me so much arousal, but it does, and I do not need to know why. It just is.
Last weekend an event happened, but my posting of it got a bit sidetracked with last week’s subject matter of D/s and abuse. (scroll down if you missed it).
Amorphous and I were sitting on the couch, I had decided it was shower time, but before I left, I just needed to show Amorphous my affection for him and so I jumped on his lap. I straddled him, facing him. I leaned in and kissed him and then.. things slowly began to turn.
Our shirts came off and I suddenly felt this sedation. My whole mind and body felt sedated, sedated by lust. I watched him through my lust clouded eyes. My fingers trailed his skin.
I allowed my thumbnail to dig in and I trailed it from belly button to shoulder blade in a nice expanding arch. What happened next is an image that I will never forget.
After trailing my thumb nail I watched his white chest as a pink line slowly emerged and grew. Right before my eyes, seconds later, his flesh began to change color. I was suddenly delighted by this. I did it again… and seconds later, I watched as his flesh changed color.
This consumed me. Watching his white chest turn pink fascinated me. I giggled like a little girl. My hair fallen over my eyes, barely covered what was far from innocence. It was lust. I was lusting to see his skin painted by my colors and for one instant, I suddenly understood why Dom’s decide to pick up a knife and gently carve the flesh of their subs. I suddenly knew what it felt like to look at perfect, porcelain skin and watch it change color. I dreamed of what it would be like to to trail a knife blade over his flesh and watch the small beads of blood as they formed.
I giggled more from this thought and let my painted flesh lust consume me. My fingers dug and raked across his skin, he hissed at me. The night was changing directions once more. I wanted him to hurt. I dug my nails in deeply. My teeth clamped down on his skin. I bit his nipple, I bit his shoulder, he hissed and squirmed and pushed me away. (hehehe he would not do well as my sub, I can see I can take the pain far better than he).
The both of us were consumed by inflicting pain in the other. He slapped me, urging me to do the same to him. And no I couldn’t. The sub in me just couldn’t raise a hand to him. He slapped me continually, taunting me, saying things like, “you’re just gonna take it?!?” At one point he went to slap me and my hand went up to block him. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, I braced myself for what would come, but thankfully, this did not anger him.
We continued like this, in our lustful sedation. Both of us wanting to inflict pain on the other, it spurred us into the bedroom, where we took each others bodies and drove out the orgasmic demons from within.
